Let's Talk Love!
Ahh love! February is filled with it! Red roses, chocolates, cards expressing multiple thoughts as if from cupids arrow itself.
I’m a big fan of love! But not in the way you might think…. It’s the connection, the sheer encompassing emotion that fills you from the tip of your toes to the top of your head, and all for another being! Eeeek! That’s beautiful, isn’t it?
While the love we all know about, the one we all talk about, the one we see put into bite sized understandable story arcs and easy to mentally digest boxes in films and commercials and novels and the talk of marriage at the dinner table… and it’s great, it has its loving place in our lives, but if I am honest … it’s the other kinds I am more interested in!
What am I talking about!!!
Well in short, love takes many, many, forms! We love our parents, but that is not the same love we have for our partners, we love our siblings and our friends, our work colleagues (am I pushing it a little?) We love to learn and grow, we love adventure, we love our pets and our dreams. We as humans can create this bond and powerful emotion in so many different ways, and we show it to those around us, in so many ways!
Well! That’s a bit awkward! I’m not going to pop up to my boss, or mentor or team mate and declare my undying love to them! Please! That would be embarrassing – more so for them!
So how do we show them? How do we show them that they mean a lot to us, that their part in our journey has not gone unnoticed, and that it is significantly impacting our choices going forward?
We use language, love language to be precise – there are five of them (well likely more, but here we’re going to talk about 5!
Chances are you already know what your love language is, but if you haven’t heard of the concept yet, keep reading.
Counsellor and pastor Dr Gary Chapman brought us a book about The Five Love Languages. A read that leads us through different ways in which we can express the complexities of this emotion to the people around us. * I would like to add that this isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships, it also applies to friendships, partnerships, and any other human relationship. But let’s get into these different love languages.
The lovely gift of giving :
To give something to someone, selflessly, lets them know that they feature in your thoughts. That they are on your mind, and that when you are thinking of them, you go that extra step and gift them a token of this mindfulness. This may be a flower picked form your garden, or a tasty treat. It is less the monetary value, and more the emotion behind the thought and the act of giving. It surrounds itself with love and is a token of your thoughts. It’s truly the thought or the act of love that counts.
It’s literally, literary love:
The words we use hold so much power. Imagine a world where we poured all our love and thoughts into a written letter and that was how we communicated to each other. The thought and consideration we give our written words holds so much emotion, a letter filled with love and thoughts – how beautiful would that be, we could read it over and over, remembering how much we mean to someone. I am a huge fan of a meaningly card, sent to a loved one to remind them of how much they are loved by me, of how much they impact my daily mindset and routines, even though I may not be able to see them every day.
“ thank you for being you my friend, I am a better person for you being in my life, and I am forever grateful for the grace’
Service in the name of … LOVE
Are you an energy person? I am!
When someone does something for me without me needing to ask, they read me and my energy and they just lend that moment of help, it almost brings me to tears it makes me feel so valued and loved.
The society and world we live it seems to sometimes focus totally on the self, when that is put to one side, and a selfless act of love in giving your time to help, listen, hug, be in silence with, cook for, clean for, pick up milk for, can be life changing.
For people who feel loved predominantly through service, time has value and to give time and energy in service to someone as an act of love, is beautiful.
THE LOVING TOUCH
Many people feel loved through physical connection, a hand on the arm, holding hands, a hug, an arm around the shoulder, or just physically being close. Others don’t #respectthespace It really can be a thousand words – just a touch on the arm can reassure, sooth, offer consolation or security, all of which come from a place of love and care.
THERE IS ALWAYS TIME TO FEEL THE LOVE
Ah yes, quality time! It’s hard to come by these days. We’re all busy busy, and of course, time is money!!!! Scrolling, and or working on our phones so much, our full attention when you’re another human being, is hard to get and harder to hold. So when someone is trying to tell us how their day went, being present and living in the moment is super important to people whose love language is quality time.
It's who you’re with, that counts, so be with them
What I find so helpful, is that these 5 languages concept, helps me read the people around me. It helps me figure out how to best communicate with them and also how to show them gratitude and love. They express a basic truth in all of us. Of course, we don’t all experience love in the same way.
Love is and means something different to each and every one of us and when we discover how those around us need to be loved, we can adjust and adapt our way of showing it to them.
As you know – I am all about transferable skills…. So I started implementing some of the learnings into my professional life too and noticed a real change in how people responded to me and how I viewed my environment. Isn’t it amazing how things can change when we reframe our situation?
When we take the time to really learn each other’s love language, I believe we can strengthen our relationships and our bonds to each other.
What's your experience with love languages? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
If you're not sure what your love language is, take this quiz to discover your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to better connect with your loved ones:
